My girlfriend is still friends with her ex, with whom she had quite an intimate relationship, emotionally as well as physically. How do I cope with this?
I fear that she still loves him somewhere down in her heart and I may end up being the second best person in her life, which obviously no one likes. She deliberately hides that she receives his calls, labelling them as regular conversations. Only when I ask her, she let me know. He is married now, but he shares his marriage and family issues with her. And she goes to length to console him. Their calls last for around 20-25 mins, sometimes more than that. Of course he is married and she can’t marry him. But I guess, as I stated earlier, I will stay as her second most-liked person. Sadly.
Over at : https://www.quora.com/My-girlfriend-is-still-friends-with-her-ex-with-whom-she-had-quite-an-intimate-relationship-emotionally-as-well-as-physically-How-do-I-cope-with-this
Dear Second Best
I have trouble with the idea that you think you are the second best. In reality, you’re not. You’re just the best she can do right now. If someone better were to come along, and become a real option… you’d be tossed aside as casually as a used condom. Or maybe not… some of us have to take care of our used condoms ourselves for girls will go to seriously great lengths to be impregnated with our seed… with or without permission.
Let’s look at facts objectively:
- She has been physically and emotionally intimate with a man.
- He broke up with her. (I presume.) Then he married another beautiful girl.
- Now she’s not as intimate with you as she was with him.
- And she keeps in touch.
- And she does her best to hide this chain of communication from you
Here’s what really happened.
She never got over that dude. She’s still just an hour of privacy away from jumping right into his lap, and gobbling up his cock like there’s no tomorrow.
She ran her internal mental calculator subconsciously and found him to be a man… and you to be a chump. I am pretty sure her evaluation is spot on. Why? I’ll get to it in a minute.
But first, a quick discourse on hypergamy.
Women don’t care about the relatively betters… they just care about the best. In her life, she’s sampled a man who took from her all that she had, and then tossed her apart to give his commitment, resources and finances to another girl, presumably hotter, younger, tighter, and less bitchier than her.
You, on the other hand… are a chump. She’s not attracted to you. Sure she likes you and all… but you are not the rule breaker she secretly craves. You are not the man who does what he pleases. You are not the man who has enough sexual options to drop her at the drop of a hat. And she knows it. And she secretly, maybe only subconsciously, resents you for it.
No… you don’t compare to the ex at all. He chucked her even though she was head-over-heels in love with him, and still is. You are happy being the second best. He had all his fun, and gave nothing in return. You pledge all that you have for her used goods despite knowing that her heart belongs with another…
You are a desperate buyer in the sexual marketplace. You feel it, and she feels it.
You are not so sure that if you dump her, you can go out and get a hotter, tighter, younger, more loyal, less bitchy new girlfriend within days. In fact, you won’t dump her. You actually fear that she might dump you.
In I were in your place (I have never been, but just for the sake of the argument, if I were) I’d fuck her silly, and do absolutely nothing to please her at all. I’d derive a lot of sexual pleasure from her. I’d fuck her in all three of her holes, but at the same time… keep my investment (emotional, financial or chronological) to a bare minimum.
No dates, no dinners, no movies. Those things are reserved for loyal girlfriends. Not Alpha widows.
I’d only see her for fucking her. She’d basically be a booty call. No pillow talk.
And then… when she finally came to her senses, and realized who she was dealing with… I’d dump her. What else is whatsapp good for? I mean why would I waste a penny texting her, right?
And then drop all contact. And savour the inflicted pain, as I showed her desperate texts to my real girlfriend… or just my buddies on a night out while we all had vodka shots and made fun of exes. Or maybe I’d show those texts to new girls I’d be picking up, and making fun of exes with.
Maybe I’d fuck her again out of pity if no other girl was around some night.
But you sure as fuck won’t do any of that. Because
1. You can’t. You don’t have other sexual options, and you don’t have balls to create other options for yourself.
2. See 1. above.
-Quora’s Designated Asshole